Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Who Are You My Daughter?

Anya,

You left us so quickly, we barely got the chance to get to know each other. Everyday I think about who you were, and who you might have been.

What I know about you, my dear sweet daughter:

  • You were calm. You moved softly and gently within me.
  • You shared my love of nature. You were with me, kayaking on Stones Lake, on lac Poisson blanc; swimming in Taylor Lake; splashing in the Atlantic Ocean.
  • You shared my love of Anne of Green Gables, as I read to you in the bath, as we visited in PEI together. You and I were kindred spirits.
  • You were efficient like dad. You were conceived in a blink of an eye. You were positioned head down, low in my womb and ready to go after as few as 5 months of pregnancy. You were determined to be born as soon as you reached full term. You came to us after 7 short hours of labour.
  • You had beautiful, curly, red hair.
  • You were meant to come into our lives. Dad and I knew we were having you, Anya, before you were even conceived. We were always going to have you, Anya.

What I wonder about who you might have been:

  • What colour would your eyes have been, once you grew out of the baby blue eyes phase?
  • What would your smile have looked like? Would your laughter have been quiet or loud?
  • Would you have liked school? What would your passions have been?
  • What would your flaws have been?
  • What kind of a mother would you have been? I keep wanting to imagine you pregnant, in labour, giving birth, and caring for your children.
  • Would your hair have stayed curly and red? Would you have liked your red hair?
I wish I could watch you grow up and share my life with you. I imagine you a baby, a young girl, a teenager, a grown woman, all at once, in a blink of an eye. All the things you will never be!

But I won't despair Anya, because you were! You existed. We shared our lives together. And I loved you.

Mom


4 comments:

  1. Kayleigh, such beautiful thoughts. Love you and pray for your healing.
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  2. Yes! Anya is treasured deep in our hearts forever...for all that she was and could have been! She made a difference while she was here growing in your tummy and will always have a special place in our hearts. We had a precious angel in our lives and even though we can only wonder about what she would have been like, I know she would have been really loved!

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  3. ....the unknown is me Aunt Susie!!!

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