Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Who Are You My Daughter?


You left us so quickly, we barely got the chance to get to know each other. Everyday I think about who you were, and who you might have been.

What I know about you, my dear sweet daughter:

  • You were calm. You moved softly and gently within me.
  • You shared my love of nature. You were with me, kayaking on Stones Lake, on lac Poisson blanc; swimming in Taylor Lake; splashing in the Atlantic Ocean.
  • You shared my love of Anne of Green Gables, as I read to you in the bath, as we visited in PEI together. You and I were kindred spirits.
  • You were efficient like dad. You were conceived in a blink of an eye. You were positioned head down, low in my womb and ready to go after as few as 5 months of pregnancy. You were determined to be born as soon as you reached full term. You came to us after 7 short hours of labour.
  • You had beautiful, curly, red hair.
  • You were meant to come into our lives. Dad and I knew we were having you, Anya, before you were even conceived. We were always going to have you, Anya.

What I wonder about who you might have been:

  • What colour would your eyes have been, once you grew out of the baby blue eyes phase?
  • What would your smile have looked like? Would your laughter have been quiet or loud?
  • Would you have liked school? What would your passions have been?
  • What would your flaws have been?
  • What kind of a mother would you have been? I keep wanting to imagine you pregnant, in labour, giving birth, and caring for your children.
  • Would your hair have stayed curly and red? Would you have liked your red hair?
I wish I could watch you grow up and share my life with you. I imagine you a baby, a young girl, a teenager, a grown woman, all at once, in a blink of an eye. All the things you will never be!

But I won't despair Anya, because you were! You existed. We shared our lives together. And I loved you.



  1. Kayleigh, such beautiful thoughts. Love you and pray for your healing.

  2. Yes! Anya is treasured deep in our hearts forever...for all that she was and could have been! She made a difference while she was here growing in your tummy and will always have a special place in our hearts. We had a precious angel in our lives and even though we can only wonder about what she would have been like, I know she would have been really loved!

  3. ....the unknown is me Aunt Susie!!!