Sunday, June 22, 2014
The World Turned Upside Down : Six Months Later
Six months since...
Six months later and I still don't know how to end that sentence.
Thursday marked six months since...
We collided with life.
We lost our innocence.
Love turned to death.
Six months later and the world has turned upside down. Life is just about the exact opposite of what it used to be.
The days are long and hot. I look out the window and everything is green. The earth is settled over Anya's grave.
It's already hard to remember what it felt like to be pregnant.
Life is moving forward. People are moving on.
We are moving on too, but more slowly, hesitantly.
Sometimes we dare to dream about the future. The future... something I couldn't imagine a few months ago.
It is both heartening and heartbreaking to feel the pull of the future.
We are here. Life is calling to us. We forget about the hurt for little scraps of time.
But what happens when we forget? Anya exists only within us now. When we forget, she disappears. She flickers away.
It hurts to imagine a future in which she might be forgotten for hours or days at a time.
The force of life propels us forward regardless...
The six month mark was hard.
With each pause, each moment of solitude, memories of December 19 flooded back.
All around us, the passing of time made itself known.
The world has gone half way around the sun since Anya left us.
But on June 19 the present and the past coexisted within me.
We visited the Maison de naissance to commemorate the six months that have passed since Anya changed our lives.
For a few moments, we held onto the way things might have been...
We were so close to taking our daughter home with us, but life stole her away, just at the last moment.