Sunday, June 15, 2014

Father's Day

Thank you to the many of you that took the time to wish me a happy Father's Day today. It has been a bit of an up-and-down kind of day - it's hard to know how I should feel about today. My journey as a father isn't quite the one I keep hearing about in commercials.

As I usually go about any regular day, I wear a good variety of hats. I'm a husband as I wake up with my lovely wife, and, on most days, I go on to be a Public Servant, a Friend, an Uncle, a Son, and a Brother.

The hat of 'Father' is not one that I have had a chance to wear often. I wore it on December 19th, when I held my lovely Anya's hand, before she was rushed off by ambulance. I wore it the handful of times that I wrote to her.

Today, I had a rare chance to wear it again, as we went to chose a gravestone for her. It was a difficult experience, but there was something strangely comforting that on Father's day, I could do some sort of fatherly duty.

But aside from these rare moments, though, 'Father' just isn't a hat that I get to wear. So I can't help but feel that celebrating father's day without a child is like being recognized for a job that, for the most part, I'm not actually doing. It's not logical, but feelings tend to go that route.

That doesn't mean that i'm not hopeful that one day, I'll be one of those 'other' fathers, that you hear about in commercials. And if I'm lucky enough for that day to come, you can bet that I will appreciate every single moment.

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