Some moments I feel a rush of excitement and love. I love William so much - as much as if he were already born and in my arms. Anya taught me the love of a mother, and in this moment I get to feel this love again!
Other moments, I am overcome with fear. Millions of mothers around the world go through the pains and anxieties of labour, knowing they will make it through whatever may come with a vigorous, crying baby.
Yet this has not been my experience.
There are no guarantees.
Yet William deserves a mother who believes in him.
And so, I give myself time and space to feel, to meditate and to imagine a future filled with love, tenderness and tiny toes to tickle. I try to let go and to believe that William will arrive safely.
William's fate is not in my control. I must surrender my fears and trust that William and I will make it through this together.
I can face this challenge.