Monday, February 10, 2014


From time to time, as mourning parents, we hear some odd compliments. Things like 'Great job getting out of bed and doing something with your day'.

And we're surprisingly thankful to hear that. 

It's a reminder that we could easily (and understandably) still be hiding from the world.

For the first few days, that's all we could do. Doing our best to cope was getting out of bed. Crying. Writing. Thankfully, we were lucky enough to have Kayleigh's mom and sister (Michelle & Sarah) to take care of us. 

Little by little, we were able to start setting some goals. Things outside of what absolutely needed to be done. Very short term goals, at first - things that we should do today, like getting 15 minutes of sunshine (on our midwife's advice). 

Then, we were able to look a little further. Sign up for a support group. Seek psychological help. And schedule some distractions (thanks Sarah).

Coping with the loss of Anya has been a different struggle every day. Sometimes it means talking about it. Sometimes it's about staying distracted. Sometimes it's even staying home depressed. It's like being lost in a forest without a compass or a map. I don't know which route to take, or what obstacles we'll face. All we can do is stick with the route that feels right, and hope that it only gets smoother from here. 

So far, it's not a smooth road. It gets a little better, then it gets a little worse. We've so far been wonderful at reminding each other that in the horizon, our future still looks beautiful. But we need to get there.

And so many of you are helping us get there. With every word of support, with every thought. With every distracting message. We are not going through this difficult journey alone, and that's all that we could have asked for.

Today is Day 54. Today was a difficult day. Day 55 might be better. But if it's not, that's okay too. 

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